October 11, 2015

Is Jesus Lord Over Your Marriage?

**** Winner of Glynnis’ book announced at the end of this post****

What does it mean to call Jesus “LORD?”

Just after Jesus washed His disciples’ feet, He said, “You call Me ‘Master’ and ‘LORD,’ and you are right, because that is what I am” (John 13:13). Jesus then follows that statement with these words:

“If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet” (John 13:14).

So what does Jesus’ title “LORD” really mean in our lives?

As I researched, I struggled with where God took me.

“LORD” is from the Greek, “kyrios,”  and means ruler and owner, one that has authority over us.

When we call Jesus LORD, we are confessing, with our mouths and our hearts, that we believe Him to be the ultimate authority over our lives. In the first century, an ordinary servant obeyed his master’s direction without objection. He addressed his lord with complete and utter respect. No matter what the master asked of him, he obeyed … period … no matter how tired, how difficult, no matter the consequences, no matter the pain.

This really made me think … when I address Jesus as my LORD, do I respond with this same attitude? Am I saying to Him, LORD, you have authority over every area of my life and no matter what You ask, I will obey. 

Oh, how I wish I could say that!!! But I don’t. And what God brought me face to face with was my marriage. Most especially, in my role as Monty’s wife. What I found is that I fall so short.

God’s Word gives me clear instruction:

P31OBS.2Tim.3.16

“In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands” (1 Peter 3:1). Personalizing this verse, it says: Wendy, in the same way, you must accept the authority of your husband.

Now, did you notice the four little words that precede that instruction: In the same way? What way? To what is Peter referring?

We must go back a few verses to 1 Peter 2:18-21 to find our answer. This is where Peter addresses the relationship between slaves and masters:

“You who are slaves must accept the authority of your masters with all respect. Do what they tell you – not only if they are kind and reasonable, but even if they are cruel. For God is pleased with you when you do what you know is right and patiently endure unfair treatment. For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow His.” 

So, in the same way slaves accept the authority of their masters, we who are wives must accept the authority of our husbands.

Don’t run off yet, please. I know I wanted to!! It’s hard to read these words. But God gives us more teaching on this topic. And we need all the teaching to understand His initial instruction to us.

So, what is that “example” we must follow? Pay attention. The words are VERY POWERFUL …

“He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in His mouth. When they hurled their insults at Him, He did not retaliate; when He suffered, He made no threats. Instead He entrusted Himself to the One who judges justly (1 Peter 3:22-23).

As wives, we are to submit, to accept our husband’s authority … NOT as one who is “less than,” but as one who submits and respects out of honor to God.

And guess what, God calls husbands to submit as well. How do we know that? Because back in Ephesians just before Paul tells wives to submit, he writes these words to husbands and wives:

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21). Both husband and wife are to submit to each other to honor Jesus and His role in their marriage.

Husbands are called to …

“give honor to your wives … treat them with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life” (1 Peter 3:7).

“be considerate as you live with your wives … treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life.” 

Oh, my feathers ruffled a little when I saw the word “weaker.” But rather than get angry, I did a word study of “weak” to determine exactly what Peter meant when he used it here. When Peter used the term weaker here, he refers NOT to moral stamina, strength of character, or mental capacity, but to physical and emotional strength. The Greek word for weak here is asthenestero and refers to physical and emotional weakness.

Friend, I see this as God calling men to be tender-hearted and loving toward their wives, honoring who God made them to be. Peter goes on to tell husbands to treat their wives this way so that nothing hinders your prayers.

Oh, these can be difficult words to read as a wife. Or at least they were for me.

And if you think the commands in Ephesians 5 and 1 Peter 3 are too difficult to obey, you are right … they are … in our own strength! The good news is that with God’s Holy Spirit living within us, empowering us, we are more than able!! Not only are we able, but God promises when we do obey that BLESSINGS FLOW FROM OUR OBEDIENCE!

These verses today caused me to pause and ask if Jesus really is LORD over my marriage. And although my husband and I both believe in Jesus. We pray for each other and our children. We attend worship. Do Bible studies. We both love the Lord.

But, as for me, I confess I have not allowed Jesus to fully be LORD over my heart and my attitude as a wife.

In fact,  I have a long way to go!! My sharp tongue, my controlling behavior, and my unwillingness to submit in certain areas (especially when it comes to our kids) really show me that I need some one on one time with God in this area.

I would love to hear your thoughts on what area of your life you struggle with making JESUS LORD OVER ALL. Leave a comment today and share your hard place. I will choose one name to win a copy of my book Hidden Joy in a Dark Corner. Leave your comment before Tuesday at midnight. I will announce the winner on my blog with a prayer for us Wednesday morning.

Hidden_Joy_Cover_Graphic (1)

***** The Winner of Glynnis’ book, Taming the To-Do List, is

Nancy who posted on September 29th at 9:08 am. *****

Congratulations, Nancy! Please e-mail me with your full name and e-mail address so that I can send you your book!

Blessings,

Comments

  1. As I was reading what you said about LORD, God reminded me this is what He has,been speaking to me about life at my job. I just wanted to say so many times, “why can’t they do their job?” Or, “no one can do my work when I am away.” God spoke to me and reminded me of my own words because I say that I get paid to work, so I shoukd do just that, work. The verses of Scripture that you used brought the focus,even closer. I am a widow, so I can’t walk through the area you shared right now but will remember what you shared. Thank you for sharing your heart, Wendy.

    • Dot, I just love how you are listening to the Lord and hearing the big truth that comes through in these passage, applying it beyond marriage. God is so pleased with your heart in seeking to hear His voice. And God does say that we should do everything that we do as if doing it unto the Lord!! I pray the Lord will continue to work in and through you at your office. May they see His Light shine through you and may it draw others to Him,

      Thank you for taking the time to enrich our discussion. 🙂

      Blessings,

  2. Judy Redden says:

    Thank you for this reading this morning. It has pricked my heart to where I realize that I am not praying for my husband like I should. Yes we are a team, we have a good marriage of 23 years.
    I have been feeling that our relationship with the Lord needs to be revived. We are both Christians but we have both gotten away from church. Spending more time with TV church than going. So pray for us that we will make the changes the Lord would have us to.
    I always get a good message from your writings Wendy. God Bless you!
    Judy

    • Judy, praying now for you and your husband. May He unite your hearts through His Holy Spirit and draw you together back into Christian community and fellowship and worship. I pray that as you do, He will open doors for opportunities for Bible study and places to serve together to draw you closer to each other as well!

      Blessings,

      Wendy

  3. Donna Torrado says:

    Oh Wendy, I am writing this comment with tears in my eyes. I know this post is for me, for sure. God surely knows how to use your writing to reach me.
    Yes, I fully understand about not submitting. God has been trying to get my attention about this but I wasn’t getting it. (Honestly, I think I was refusing because of things “i” don’t agree with. I have been quite stubborn about it too.
    I haven’t been a good wife because I have I let my stubbornness get in the way.
    Lord, thank you for conviction and guidance. Show me how I need to correct this so I make you truly Lord of my life.
    I repent for not heeding your guidance. Walk me through the steps I need to be the woman of God that represents a true servant both in and outside my home.
    Thank you for using Wendy to reach me my heart and my head so I know only read, but understand and repent.
    I love You Lord and want to serve you with all my heart.

    • Donna Harris says:

      Donna, I would like to stand with you in your prayer. Be blessed sister.

    • Donna, first let me say that you are a wonderful wife. And we can see that because you are here … seeking truth, praying and asking for prayer. You are humbly looking at your own heart and allowing God to convict your heart so that you can be a more godly wife.

      I pray the Lord will continue to guide and direct you as you seek to live a God-honoring marriage both inside and outside your home. He will be faithful!!

      Blessings,

      Wendy

      • Donna Torrado says:

        Thank you Wendy. I would like to ask, if it isn’t asking to much, for prayer for my husband and his problem with drinking & being extremely judgmental.
        It is not an excuse for me, please understand. Just asking for prayer in agreement.
        Thank you. God bless.

  4. Tanya Tomasovich says:

    I so enjoyed your reading today, and needed to be reminded of it. Note, I am saving it to keep reminding myself. Awhile ago, I had some serious issues with my shins. I thought I would loose one leg. One doctor told my husband I was going to die. It took about a year and a half of wet to dry dressing changes twice daily, and they tried every antibiotic there was to the point where I hit a wall. All this time I prayed. My husband stayed beside me , and talked me through my emotions( which were off the charts.) We do have a strong marriage. But reflecting back on all this, I prayed to God concerning my issues. It was all about me! I was focusing on me, my issues, not on God above. Until one day , I met a woman sitting in Wendy’s. As a rare treat my husband dragged me out to get my mind off my leg issues. This woman whom I call JR, was sitting across from us reading a book I recognized. I asked her if she was reading the bible. She said yes! We got to talking, and I joined her, and learned she taught a bible study class in my neighborhood. She read me a passage she was reading, it was from the Psalms. I started to cry. It was then I realized instead of focusing on me, my problems, which was wrong, I should be focusing on the bigger picture… Jesus Christ. I believe God put JR in to my life at that moment. We started to attend bible study. I started focusing on God rather than my issues. My legs began to heal slowly because I was submitting to Jesus. That was 8 years ago. I have read the Bible, and we continue the study of it. Because of Jesus, and our submission to him, our marriage and love for each other has grown. Jesus is Lord, and Life will be Everlasting because of Him. That is my focus.

    • Thank you for sharing your story Tanya! Grateful for the reminder of how God works, sees us and has a plan. May He use it all for His glory!

    • Tanya, thank you for sharing this. I continue to stand in awe of how intimate God is. Your story is so beautiful it literally pains my heart. You were facing a mountain of trials, yet you had the tender heart to receive wisdom and focus on Jesus and others. I will hold this testimony tightly in my heart as a treasured reminder of God’s truth through you. xoxo

    • Donna Harris says:

      That is so wonderful. Thanks for sharing.

    • Tanya, what a beautiful story! Don’t you just love how God knows what we need it, sometimes even when we don’t. He reaches down from heaven and orchestrates circumstances to ensure we are always drawn back to TRUTH and to Him. I am praising God for the amazing work He has done in both your lives and your marriage!!! And I love that this post spoke into your heart to remind you of all that God has done. Such answered prayer for me!!!.

      Blessings,

      Wendy

  5. I just joined your site after hearing you share your heart on a radio broadcast. I so appreciate the way you dig deep into the truth of scripture and share it with us! Not only do I want Jesus to be Lord thru my obedience to him but I also see the parallels and I desire to allow my husband to lead in all areas. Often I run ahead as he just isn’t “moving fast enough” for me. I get impatient but know within my heart that I need to show respect, honor and complete obedience in my love for him! To know God is my prayer today so I can be more like him. Have a blessed day, Wendy!

    • Linda, it makes me smile to see that you joined after hearing a radio broadcast. I always pray for the women God will draw that day, and usually I never get to “meet” them. So it is wonderful to connect with you this way; it’s answered prayer. 🙂

      And I love your prayer, “To know God better.” That is my prayer too.

      And thank you for your kind words. It’s wonderful to find another “Word” loving friend.

      Blessings,

      Wendy

  6. Deborah Daigle says:

    It took me a lot of years to realize that God really meant this. I am so blessed to be married to my best friend for 43 years. They have not always been easy, but standing where we are today we see they have always been worth the struggles. I know now that those struggles have placed us where we are today, just as God planned. We have both learned that Gods plan is the best and his arrangement is the perfect arrangement. I am so thankful that God has given me a partner that that loves me in spite of me and forgives my short comings. We are very much one unit at this point in our lives and we think as one unit.(most of the time)We both have areas we excel in and trust each other with our responsibilities,but know that we are not perfect and can go to each other when we need help, knowing that God is ultimately in control. Over the years I have had to let go of many shortcomings and some I am still working on and the same goes for my husband. It has been a great journey and we cant wait to see where God takes us now. (pray we both agree)

    • Deborah, I celebrate this testimony!!! Thank you for sharing. I am soon to celebrate 30 years, and I pray that in 10 more, I will be able to have such a beautiful testimony to share. Marriage is hard, but loving and forgiving ARE KEY to remaining together … especially forgiving. You two should teach a marriage class. I would for sure attend!!

      Blessings,

      Wendy

  7. This is a tough one for me right now. I’m racking my brain trying to figure out the area of my life I’m holding back from Him. My marriage? My time? My calling? I really don’t know, so I’m going to spend some time in prayer this week and work it out with the Lord.

    Thank you for this amazing post!!!!!!!

    • Girl, I know you. And if you ask the Lord, not only will He show you but you will also respond in obedience. And He will do a transformational work. And then I will read a great post about it on your blog.

      Love you,

      me

  8. Dear Wendy,
    Thank you for sharing. While I am not married, I am grateful for the message. I have hosen to apply a majority of what you wrote in relation o where I work.

    Thank you for sharing.

    Sally

    • So wise to find truths that you can apply in other areas of your life. That is the kind of woman the Lord loves. He says when we seek Him with all our heart we will find Him. And He says that we should do everything we do (and that includes marriage and work and serve) as if doing it unto Him!! I have no doubt you will do this, sweet friend.

      Thank you for taking time to share today.

      Wendy

  9. Well, Wendy our minds have been on the same thing! Yesterday I spoke about marriage and through my prep, submission was a topic that came up. Often. Further on in 1 Peter 3, we learn Sarah even called Abraham Lord…I’m pretty sure that would weird my husband out, but personally it shows me how deep this went for her. I’m not there yet! Like you, some of it is with the kids.

    Thankfully over time, God has opened my eyes to what submission really is. When I understood His definition it helped; as for a long time I kind of had the doormat perspective. As one who tends to be more quiet, I’d bite my tongue and maybe look submissive, but inside I was internalizing things and struggling. Submission really isn’t just something we do it’s a matter of the heart.

    So personally the area I’ve been struggling with is writing. Your words about the slaves obeying no matter what…well, that’s what I needed to hear. Thanks!

    Blessings to you!

    • Thanks also for stepping out and addressing a topic the world tends to avoid. Pray God blesses your obedience!!

    • Thank you, Jill!! I wish I could have come and heard your talk. I believe you are a woman who is so sensitive to honoring your husband. You seek to please God in your role as wife and mother. And when you see a place where you have failed to do that, you humbly acknowledge it and look to God’s Word for how to change it.

      Thanks for sharing from you heart today.

      Wendy

  10. For many years I have prayed for my husband to submit to The Lord, and what does The Lord speak to my heart? 1 Peter 3:1 I have been standing squarely in the way of my husbands salvation by my own behavior as a wife. Wow, a slap upside the head for me. This has been a journey for me and is no way behavior that comes naturally for me. But God is faithful and when I show proper respect to my husband and submit to his ways, his demeanor is transformed! It’s nothing short of a miracle. Blessings for my marriage are wrapped up in God’s promises. Recommending The God Empowered Wife as a great read to fully understand this directive to wives specifically.
    Thanks for tackling this scary subject for women.

    • Diane, thank you for your authenticity. I find myself in your story. And I too find that when I am more respectful, when I hold my tongue, or when I speak words of encouragement, my husband’s demeanor changes as well. And we get along so much better. WE SET THE TONE. 🙂

      And I love your words, “Blessings for my marriage are wrapped up in God’s promises.” such a true statement.

      Thanks for the recommendation.

      Blessings,

      Wendy

  11. This is EXACTLY what I needed to read this morning. Thank You Wendy. It would be great if you would do a Bible Study on this Topic. I would love to dig deep into it. Thanks again for sending out what I needed to hear and heed. <3

    • Elisa, I’m so thankful the Lord used this to speak into your heart. That is answered prayer for me. And I will pray about writing a study on this. I think God needs to work on me a bit more before I feel I can write on this topic. 🙂

      Blessings,

      Wendy

  12. A big area I struggle with making Jesus Lord over all is when it comes to my adult children. It is hard to not want to intervene or offer advice. Making some progress though. Thank you for this post. Very insightful.

    • Amen to that, Lori!! I feel the same. I have a 22 year old daughter. What helps me most is bringing my worries or concerns to God in prayer, whether it be her future plans or topics I might want to offer advice on.

      Blessings,

      Wendy

  13. Oh what great delight it was for me to receive this post today. God knows our needs. First, I will like to address my life. I have been divorced for while now and was so happy that I do not have to submit to someone except God. But a few years ago, I met with this lovely gentle man. He was very interested and I was not prepared for anything. One thing he has exemplified over the years is patient. His gentle way of addressing issues with me have been absolutely amazing. He tells me he will not answer to issues the way I anticipate he to because he doesn’t want to create false hope.

    Secondly, we went to a family dinner last night and boy my sister and her husband did not display any attitude of submission or humility at all. Afterwards, I spoke to my brother-in-law n he was not at all humble in his responses least to say my sister would be. They are both so righteous in their own eyes that I was wondering how I can reach out to them and let them know Jesus is the Lord of our lives but he loves us despite our shortcomings.

    Thank you Wendy for this post.

    Lynn

  14. Wendy, thank you for this post and your beautifully transparent heart. The overwhelming theme of my quiet times lately as been obedience. I see myself in the account of Sarai when she manipulated her circumstances to bring about God’s promises in her own timing, in her own way. I understand why Rebekah schemed with Jacob for Esau’s birthright. I have that same desire for control in my heart! The accounts are endless yet my struggle remains the same. I tend to see things my way… or… my way. I can be extraordinarily strong-willed when my husband and I don’t see eye-to-eye on the appropriate bedtime for our daughter… or when I see my daughter making a questionable step in her friendships… I could go on and on.

    What I loved about this post is that not only did God open my eyes and convict my heart, but He didn’t leave me there. Through your encouragement and honesty, I am also inspired. Who doesn’t want the blessings that flow from obedience? And thank you also for reminding us that the answer is not in our flesh. We are more than conquerors… we have the unimaginable power of the Holy Spirit IN us! Thank you my dear friend! I love you!

    • Oh, Noelle, it all started in the Garden when Eve manipulated Adam. And it continued through the years. I think of Jezebel and how she manipulated and controlled her husband, the King of Israel. How awful she was. But, at times, I can see those same things in me. Not to that extreme thankfully. 🙂

      It all began with the fall and the only hope we have is God’s Holy Spirit living and reigning in us. Allowing Him to rule in a way that leads us to humility and submission.

      I’m so thankful you stopped by and shared today.

      Blessings,

      Wendy

  15. Thank you Wendy for always sharing what God lays on your heart. I struggle with letting Jesus be Lord over every area of my life! I will do really good for a while then I slip away. I let life get in the way and it makes me feel terrible!! Your message has brought my attention back to where it needs to be, my Lord, Jesus!

    Prayers for all of you and Wendy who have posted!

    • Brandi, thank you for your prayers for us all!!

      And I feel the same way … so many areas that I have not surrendered. That is why focusing on one area at a time is the best way to tackle lordship. I pray we all find that one place and seek to give that area over to Lord!! We will be victorious in His strength and power.

      Blessings,

      Wendy

  16. My hard place in my marriage has been since I came to Christ 8 years after we married and he is still unbelieving. We’ve been married 32 years now and as I lean into God I have seen my husband ask questions. I praise God for my husband going to see “War Room” with me. A benefit of having no Christian women besties to see it. But coming from a background of being abused I still find trusting and honoring a hard thing to do. I’m learning the lies Satan twists just a little to make me doubt but I’m learning to trust God now in my marriage. My girls both married are doing the opposite mom did years ago and seeking healthy marriages and working through with children too.

    Thank you Wendy for this perfect God timing words of wisdom!

    • Tracy, I am joining you now in prayer for your husband to come to know Jesus as His Lord and Savior. I pray God will continue to use your loving and prayerful heart to woo your husband to Jesus.

      And what a praise about your daughters. With all of your praying for your husband (and their dad), I have no doubt the Lord will transform His heart and life. Can’t wait to hear. 🙂

      Blessings,

      Wendy

  17. Wendy…

    Your love for the Word is so beautifully contagious. This wisdom-filled piece reflects your deep trust in God, as you keep digging to find His truths. What a wonderful example this is for all of us as we encounter confusing subjects – a true reminder that God is always good. I was especially taken by the meaning of the word “weakness.” I can so easily forget to go back to the original language. Thank you so much for another very insightful post. God never fails to imprint my heart indelibly through you. Love you xox

    • Thank you for your kind words, Sas. You and your sweet husband live out this kind of love and marriage in the midst of such difficult circumstances. Such a wonderful testimony and witness for us all … for better or for worse … it’s all for God’s glory.

      Love you,

      me

  18. I have the most amazing husband but because of past hurts and my fears I struggle so hard to be a good wife. Sadly I fail almost always but if I bring my failures or my bad attitude up later my husband says ” what are you talking about”? I only hope to be half as good of a wife as he is a husband. I am truly blessed.

    • Loretta, you are a good wife. Sometimes feelings of insecurity lead us to act in ways that hurt our spouses. I KNOW that if you allow God to heal those hurts and conquer those fears, you will WALK in victory and it will transform your marriage. I entered into my marriage with past hurts and great fear. But God was so faithful. Over time, as healing came, I stopped looking to my husband for my needs, and it changed everything …truly transformed our marriage. I pray the same for you. God will be faithful. He sounds like a lovely man who loves you very much.

      Blessings,

      Wendy

  19. Mary McCauley says:

    Thank you for sharing your own struggles. It is encouraging to know that other women in Christ also struggle with controlling and submitting and their tongue! God has been speaking to me about how I have been treating my husband lately. Many things that I loved about him 4 yrs ago suddenly were frustrating to me. I found myself negatively thinking about him and being discontent. This of course leads to more bad attitudes and complaining. I know this does not honor my Lord.
    I also know that I cannot change things on my own, not even my own heart and mind and tongue, but in Christ’s strength I can. Please pray that I will be able to accept that my husband has chosen to go back to smoking and other habits he gave up when we were first together. Please pray I wll not complain, but Trust it all to God. Please pray I will be contented and submit to Him and to him. Thanks again for sharing. I know these are words God intended me to hear as I go back out on the road with him in the semi this week.

    • Mary, I am agreeing with you in prayer. I pray that the Lord will lead you as you pray for these hard places in your marriage and in your husband’s life. I pray God will break those stronghold’s in his life in Jesus’ name!! And I pray God will help you take every negative thought captive and focus on whatever is lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy. As you pray for and love your husband, I pray his heart and demeanor will change.

      Blessings,

      Wendy

  20. Donna Harris says:

    Wendy,

    As always I am blessed by the words you share. I will pray about any areas in my marriage that may need addressing. However, I feel that submitting to Jesus as Lord is more of an issue in general. I have been used to doing everything for myself that often I don’t even seek Jesus for answers. He should be where I start not where I go to when my way does not work.

  21. Our Lord really does work in mysterious ways, and I’d like to share my experience as proof that He can turn the worst situation into the best–all things DO work for His good!
    My husband and I divorced five years ago but we still remained close. I can honestly say that Bob is my best friend.
    This past July, I was diagnosed with stomach cancer. On August 13, I had half my stomach removed and Bob has been by my side ever since. He resides in the same house, he cooks my meals, is helping to pay the hospital bill, and has been the most supportive person in my life.Unfortunately, he is not a believer–in fact, that is one of the reasons we divorced! But I continue praying—for BOTH of us.I firmly believe God is still in the business of working miracles, and if my ex husband is planning to go along with me to my n ext appointment to my oncologist, I’d say that is, indeed, a major miracle!
    Blessings,
    Kathy

    • Kathy, what a beautiful story of love and what a wonderful man. I join you in praying for your ex-husband’s salvation. Surely with a heart like his, God will soon do a transformational work!! With our God ALL things are possible. AMEN and AMEN!!!

      Blessings,

      Wendy

  22. This post is fabulous. Thank you, Wendy. Learning to submit to my husband is a journey and I’m on the road with Jesus’ help & faithfulness. The area that is the real challenge that keeps tripping me up is financial. Ugh! Need some major submission & direction from the Lord to make Him Lord over our finances.

    • Pam, thanks for your kind words. And your financial challenge in this area is quite common. But God is MORE than able. Believing this for you and your marriage. 🙂

      Blessings,

      Wendy

  23. Thank you, Wendy, for the encouragement to continue to grow into the women God has called us to be.
    You asked us to share our ‘hard place.’ So… I will. My husband and I have been married for 40 years. In a few days he will return after a 6-month separation that I initiated. I do not know what I will do – or what I should do – if he returns still clinging to his life-long unhealthy behaviors (behaviors consistent with a personality disorder). In meeting with a number of licensed mental health professionals over the past ten years, I was given counsel that ranged from “ignore the behaviors for the sake of honoring your wedding vows” to “you had a wedding, but you do not have a marriage. Divorce.” I have asked God for clarity and direction. May God have mercy.

    • Donna Harris says:

      Lesley,

      I will say a prayer for you and your hubby. I cannot even begin to fathom the struggle you go through. Be blessed sister.

    • Lesley, I join you and Donna in praying for wisdom and discernment. May God speak clearly the answer your are seeking and affirm and confirm it so that you will know it is from Him. I also ask God to heal your husband’s mind and emotions in a way that only He can do!!!

      Blessings,

      Wendy

      • Thank you, Wendy. May God bless you for praying and for providing a forum through which all of us can, with God’s help, mature in Him. Truly, there is nothing too difficult for the One who loves us with such an extravagant – and an everlasting – love.. And since nothing is wasted n His economy, I look forward to seeing the good that God will bring out of the circumstances in my life and in the lives of all who read your blog.

  24. Thanks for such a good teaching Wendy. A little “prickly” for me as well, on some verses, but it’s never what we really think it is. God uses our husbands to cover and protect us and be the ‘strong’ one. But they are to love us as their own bodies, so that makes it much easier to understand what our wonderful God is saying. 😉
    My struggle is with letting God teach my husband who he should be in Christ…and not for me to get mad at him every time he says something hurtful to me or to our children or grandchildren. It is my job to pray for my husband, that he will truly turn his life over to Him and let God be LORD of his life. After 40 years of marriage he doesn’t seem to be closer to God, but further and further away, and is getting harder and harder to live with. He doesn’t go to church, or read the Word but still thinks he is doing fine…
    I know God is faithful, Sovereign and is working all things out for my good, and God’s Glory!
    And I will keep praying for my husband.
    Blessings to you!

    • Amen! And as you keep praying faithfully for and loving your husband, I pray God will work mightily through your love and prayers and bring HEART transformation!! I pray that the love you show him will fill a need in him that is lacking and that through you, He will come to know the unconditional love of Jesus. I pray for healing and restoration.

      Blessings,

      Wendy

  25. Thank you so much for this post. My marriage has suffered over the past few years because of my anger and bitterness of having to work full time and miss the valuable but fleeting moments with my children. I really needed to reads these words as a reminder that God has all this under control and He has a plan for my marriage…if only I would obey!

  26. carol taylor says:

    Both my husband and I are Christians but my husband lives more in the world than he does with Jesus I try to live the right way I get up and read my bible and devotions and Pray when ever I see a need as long as in the morning and the evening…I pray for my husband and both of my children…they don’t walk with Jesus but are saved. I don’t go to church at the moment but I do go to HISCHANNEL.org and watch sermons on there. I do submit to my husband but…Affection is not in our marriage…not because I have not tried its just in 31 years we have just lost it but things are good in other areas. I really don’t know what to do I would love to see a change but It will take a act of God for that to occur….I would love Prayer and advice!

  27. Lana Archer says:

    Wow Wendy this really hit home. As with you my husband and I pray together study together and the Lord is welcome in our house but are we really submitting the way we should. Thank you for this article and for the thought provoking words that you share. God bless you

  28. Read it, liked it, thank you for it

  29. Wow, spoke right to my heart Wendy. Am in tears. Also praying for you and God’s strength to help you submit joyfully to your husband, as submitting to the Lord. I can be controlling and impatient, so I can relate. A few years ago, I was convicted at a woman’s retreat that I wasn’t submitting to my husband in the idea to go to a different church every now and then for growth. At the retreat (at a different church I experienced a tremendous amount of conviction, repentance and growth), in lots of tears. Afterwards, apologized to my husband and a few months later the Lord called us to a different church. Since repenting in that, I began to hear from God clearer and we’ve both gone through much more spiritual growth (and still growing as always). 🙂 My biggest area of struggle of making Jesus Lord of all probably is in writing for a book, as my fears are so big, and it causes lot of physical symptoms as well (like back pain from stress). Yet last week, My husband wrote a whole outline for a book for me and told me I need to work on it, so not only do I need to obey God, I need to submit to my husband too. He is encouraging me so I am thankful of that, yet my fear is monstrous. Trying to speak Bible verses on fear daily, and have put putting on God’s armor in my prayer time daily.

  30. This was hard to read because I am now divorced after 29 years due to my husband’s 5 year affair. I know God hates divorce and I am supposed to forgive. I wanted to do that and stay married but he didn’t. So now what? Did I sin too by not honoring God by fighting for my marriage enough? I carry that with me every day. Did I truly do everything I could to stay married or did I just give in because I couldn’t afford to go to court and keep fighting him? 🙁

    • Sweet friend, don’t question what you did. He violated your marriage vows. He broke every command the Lord gave him as a husband. I’m sure you prayed and worked for reconciliation. I pray you rest sweetly tonight knowing you did all you could. And if you have any doubts, ask your Father for forgiveness, and He will freely forgive. Thanks for sharing.

  31. Hi Wendy
    I was a orphan girl in Indis at 9. It’s very hard when you have been left bereft of parents and all your wealth owned by someone else to be respected. I was abused and narrowly escaped being kidnapped into prostituition. Even the person who was kind to me and called herself a Christian attacked my self esteem. In that world God gave me His strength and His resilience and I made it. I was educated and my uncle brought me to the US. He married my aunt. Long story short I have an only child who has tendency towards seizures. My husband a loving man has worked from home so essentially she was raised by him. I am a nurse who worked long shifts. However I am always at odds with him because he is so lenient with her. Her downfall is lack of sleep because she is so driven even at 15 to be the best she can be seizures or not. I am trying to let go let God deal with both of them but with my background in the flesh it’s been very very hard to allow him to be in charge. The critical care nurse in me likes control. I fall and fail everyday. I love my husband dearly he is one of the 2 most precious gifts God allowed me to have in this life. I have no other family. I lay this at the beginning and end of my day everyday but feel defeated. Patience is the fruit of the Holy Spirit I long for. Any help I would be so grateful. I fear my Lord and love him do not ever want disobey but I end up doing just that. Thank you for reminding me to obey him I was convicted yet again. In Him Corena

  32. Marcie Mallette says:

    Thank you so much for this! The area I’m really struggling with this is in our church. In this denomination, women are not allowed to have leadership positions, unless it is working with other women or children. I really struggle with this as I see things that could be handled with more skill by certain women (not necessarily myself). But this is the body of believers that we have been led to, and I need to submit to their leadership. Oh, how the indignation rises up in me every time I think about it! I know that is not from God, and so I’m trying to understand and submit. It is hard in this day and age when we are told as women that we can do anything… But not in the church. Thank you for this, Wendy. God is using it to show me that I need to deal with it.

    • Marcie, what you talk about can be a real touchy topic and dividing issue amongst Christians today, but as I read your post I was reminded that we must submit to God’s Word as well. Praying for you as you seek direction and wisdom! Blessings to you!

  33. The other day I heard a quote that ties right in with this – “Jesus is Lord of ALL or He’s not Lord at all.” We can’t pick and chose when or where or how we submit. Oh for His help to do it better and more consistently and collectively!

  34. I’ve been married for 7yrs known my husband for 13 yes we have a son my husband has never given us stability we have been apart more than we have been married. He has cheated on me belittled me accused me of committing adultry. And he continually lives in the past we separated for 2yrs he was on drugs and I filed for a divorce then we got back together.he called cause he was in a rehab needed clothes etc well I paid for everything he needed took care of him for over a year and then he comes and says I went against him and just starts being disrespectful bringing up past issues that we both agreed we would leave behind. I put myself in financial trouble helping him and lost my Apartment he said we could move in with him so I gave him 2500.00 and he turned his back on me now he says he wants out of the marriage since he is on his feet. Me and the kids are now staying in a room until I save up to get another place I’m mad and I’m hurt cause all he did was use me I am born again but being so focused on trying to keep my Marriage together I took the focus off God and know I’m hurting needing God to move

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